I don't know if you remember but once, I mentioned that visiting London was one of my dreams. Truth is, except for New York, I hadn't visited any cities abroad, especially in Europe. Eli had lived in London for two years in the past and coming here was like visiting a cherished old friend. But for me, it was magic.
"Anne? Wake up. We're landing." Eli touched my face and woke me up with a kiss.
After we had our luggage on a trolley, as they called the carts there, we went to the taxi parking spot to get one. Rain was pouring down and to me, rain was always a good sign. Always. Being in London, if it didn't rain, it'd feel wrong. So, there we were getting wet under a little umbrella that we bought on a shop and waited for the next cab to approach.
I was glued to the window all the way into the city. From the airport to the apart hotel that we were staying in, took approximately forty minutes. It felt like five. I couldn't hold my excitement. I was filled with a desperate need to get out of the cab and go on foot. And even then, I don't think I'd be satisfied. I wanted to see everything. The buildings were beautifully architectured. Ancient merged with modern giving a feeling that only London seemed to have. My first day in New York was much like this. I couldn't wait to dump my things in some room, any room, so I could walk around and meet the city that I had dreamed to see for so many years. Cars were smaller than American ones, but the traffic wasn't any less chaotic. Seemed that everyone in the world was rushing somewhere. Well, I was trying to contain my need to rush out the window as well. Eli was sitting looking at me instead of out the window and when I looked back, he was smiling.
"Hey, can you take the Grosvenor? I want to show her the Westminster Bridge."
"Aah, you want to see the..."
"Yes. Please."
"Of course, sir." the cab driver replied. They exchanged a smile through the rearview mirror and both seemed amused at something. I'd never been there although I had heard about a Westminster bridge before, but couldn't quite place it. I shook the doubt away and continued to marvel at London. A few minutes later, I saw what I had dreamed to see my whole life.
The Big Ben was nearing and we were about to pass right in front of it. Its beauty was absurd. Its base was carefully worked with little columns all the way up to the dial. The dial was set inside a golden square and the frame seemed to be black weaved in gold. I couldn't find my breath. The roof was nothing like I'd ever seen before. It was one of those rooftops that always made me think of the Addams Family house. I know, terrible comparison, but thi Big Ben's was beautiful. All black and gold. The cab distanced and I turned my body to keep watching it. Eli held my hand and watched me. I looked back to him, happiness exploding in my chest. And I saw, in his eyes, his feelings vulnerably exposed to me. My heart ached in emptiness. He tightened his grip unaware of how I felt, unaware that I knew how he felt. He smiled and laid his head to look out the window on his side. I turned to look out my window, and London passed in front of my eyes. The river was gone now and we were getting near our apart-hotel. Suddenly I was feeling heavy, I wanted to be in love with him. And I think I was a little. As if on the brink... but it felt like... it was the most I was going to fall. Literally. That scared me. His eyes scared me. I was scaring myself. I'd never been the girl that couldn't feel... Never. I'd always been the girl that felt too much too soon. What was going on? Now, I didn't want the taxi to arrive. Because when it did, I knew that I would have to deal with the fact that I wasn't going to be able to reciprocate his feelings. Lost in misery, I let myself get lost in the streets of London that passed in front of me.
The Big Ben was nearing and we were about to pass right in front of it. Its beauty was absurd. Its base was carefully worked with little columns all the way up to the dial. The dial was set inside a golden square and the frame seemed to be black weaved in gold. I couldn't find my breath. The roof was nothing like I'd ever seen before. It was one of those rooftops that always made me think of the Addams Family house. I know, terrible comparison, but thi Big Ben's was beautiful. All black and gold. The cab distanced and I turned my body to keep watching it. Eli held my hand and watched me. I looked back to him, happiness exploding in my chest. And I saw, in his eyes, his feelings vulnerably exposed to me. My heart ached in emptiness. He tightened his grip unaware of how I felt, unaware that I knew how he felt. He smiled and laid his head to look out the window on his side. I turned to look out my window, and London passed in front of my eyes. The river was gone now and we were getting near our apart-hotel. Suddenly I was feeling heavy, I wanted to be in love with him. And I think I was a little. As if on the brink... but it felt like... it was the most I was going to fall. Literally. That scared me. His eyes scared me. I was scaring myself. I'd never been the girl that couldn't feel... Never. I'd always been the girl that felt too much too soon. What was going on? Now, I didn't want the taxi to arrive. Because when it did, I knew that I would have to deal with the fact that I wasn't going to be able to reciprocate his feelings. Lost in misery, I let myself get lost in the streets of London that passed in front of me.
***
"It's better than it used to be." Eli said as we entered our room. It was much better than I had expected all right. The room was big, white walls with details in red. The big bed was against a wall and had pillows in different tones of red spread over it. The door to the balcony that stood in the next wall, was open and the beige curtains were being blown by the wind. The rain had stopped and the air was as fresh as morning's. I walked to the balcony while Eli tipped the bell boy and leaned to look at the view. It looked like we were in a upscale neighborhood. Eli had mentioned that the London School of Economics was a couple of streets far and that this apart hotel had been where he lived during his doctorate. I wanted to absorb the magic of meeting a new place but I felt strangely dettached. I felt wrong and when he slipped his arms around me, I felt unworthy. I wanted to be back home. I wanted to lie in Lumi's bed and share my dark thoughts. I wished Lumi was there. Why hadn't I brought her? Eli wouldn't have minded. Especially if she came with Victor. Maybe...
"What are you thinking about?"
"Hmm... that I think this is a dream... Lumi would have loved this. Would've loved to be here."
"You two are very close, aren't you?"
"From her birth... I always felt attracted... hehe, not in a bad way. But... I always said to her that she's my little sister. But it's more like soulmate. When something happens, she's the first person I want to tell..."
"You're the first person I want to tell something..." Eli whispered gazing into my eyes. The pang in my heart was short and cold. I wanted to cry. I could see that I was that person to him. How could he have said something like that right after I said that another person was like that for me? How could I answer this? I couldn't tell him now... but... maybe... I was just reacting as if under pressure. Maybe it was just that I hadn't reached his depth yet. His cellphone rang and he went to his bag to pick it up. I breathed in relief and turned to take a shower. It seemed it was an important call and that it was going to take a while.
After the shower, I dressed in warm clothes. It was nearly nightfall and I had no idea of what time it was. Eli was still on the phone and I realized he was speaking French. Sounded absurdly sexy. His tone was deep and his accent sounded perfect in my ears. I picked my bag off the floor and started to organize my things on the closet as I listened to him. And that calmed me down. It wasn't that I didn't like him. It was just that I wasn't in love yet. I decided to make the best of the trip and concentrated in live the magic.
"Sometimes I hate the French and their impossible ego." Eli said dropping on the bed. He closed his eyes and the sweetest feeling took over me. I think... I was so desperate to love him that at that moment, I let myself believe it was the beginning of it.
"I should've invited Lumi..." he said in a low voice. "These two weeks you'll probably spend more on your own than with me. But I have good news. Dworkin has confirmed his presence at the conference."
"He did?!" Dworkin was one of my Philosophic Law idols. I used his work in my graduation paper and now was basing my thesis over one of his ideas. "I'll arrange a way for you to meet him."
"Really?"
"Yeah... I'm a conferencist. I'll find a way. Don't worry."
"I won't..." I answered with a smile. The feeling blossomed in my chest and I let myself fall in his arms.
***
The next day Eli had left early to the LSE and I was going to wander around London on my own for the first time. I was really excited. Since the trip had been decided so suddenly I hadn't studied guides or maps to know where to go. Which was a pitty. Not knowing where to go shortened my options. I bought a little London guide book in a newstand close to the hotel and armed with a thick coat, an umbrella and boots, I set out on my adventure.
***
"I won't..." I answered with a smile. The feeling blossomed in my chest and I let myself fall in his arms.
***
The next day Eli had left early to the LSE and I was going to wander around London on my own for the first time. I was really excited. Since the trip had been decided so suddenly I hadn't studied guides or maps to know where to go. Which was a pitty. Not knowing where to go shortened my options. I bought a little London guide book in a newstand close to the hotel and armed with a thick coat, an umbrella and boots, I set out on my adventure.
***
"Ah... hi." Lumi said embarrassed to the receiver on her hand. She had barely slept the night before and after dragging her feet the whole morning, decided to call Victor. He hadn't answered so the call had gone straight to the secretary. She hated when she had to talk to the walls and that's what it felt like when she had to leave messages. "Uhm... I'm sorry about yesterday. You... shouldn't have left. I know I told you to, but I didn't mean it. Damn it. If you're there, just pick the damn phone. I hate talking to no one." she waited a beat. "Yeah, I guess you're not there. So... I just wanted to say that. Bye."
After leaving the worse message in history Lumi dragged her feet back to her bed. Her arms were just a little red and her belly that had been covered by the sweater barely showed a sign of being burned at all. It was his fault for not warning that he was coming with the pot. But... still, he had prepared the dinner for her. After she dismissed him over and over again since the pub incident. Lumi covered her face with her hands impatiently. She couldn't believe things had gotten that way. And why was she so worried after all? It's not like Victor was her boyfriend or anything. They weren't even friends. Were they? Why was she feeling so miserable? And why was she alone when she was feeling like this? And it hit her. Maybe it was a little overly desperate and not at all what she would've done. But... it had come the time to change tactics. She threw her blanket to the side and jumped out of the bed. There was work to be done. The first one was to call Kit and get help.
***
Victor was sprawled on the couch exactly where he had dropped the day before. Going after her had been a mistake. She always ended up hurt. He had never intended to do it either times. The girl hated saxophones, had the meanest temper he had ever seen, got angry at nothing and treated him as if he was something gross on the sole of her shoes. All right, the last part was a lie, but the rest was true. Why was he so interested in a woman that made him feel so miserable? He had been switching channels when the phone rang. Not interested in getting up to hear Kit scold him for burning her best friend, he stayed where he was. And startled when he heard Lumi's voice sound in his living room. He couldn't supress the smile when she lost the temper and barked for him to pick the phone as if she knew he was there listening. He was crazy about her. That was the truth and even a blind dog could sense it. The beautiful Brazilian dancer that changed moods as he changed notes on his sax. Fine, it appeared that she didn't hate him either. It was time to stand back and wait to see what she did. When the phone rang again, he nearly jumped out of the couch to answer, forgetting what he had just decided, but it was Kit's voice that sounded through the speaker instead.
"Hey? Are you there? I know you are. Look stupid big brother, I promised I wasn't going to say anything but Lumi's coming over. Please, please, pick up all the things that I know that are sprawled on the floor, clean your bathroom and please, do something about that thing you call a bedroom. She'll be there in an hour. Please. If she enters your apartment the way it is, she'll never come out alive. And I'm telling you, if something crawls on your floor and she sees it, be sure that you'll never hear from her again. Love you."
Maybe it was his curse to be surrounded by strong willed women. So Lumi was going to reverse the situation. With a smile he gazed his little living room and felt his brighter mood die. How the hell was he supposed to clean the whole apartment under an hour? He had washed the dishes and as he started to pick things desperate, Kit entered the apartment pulling her sleaves. He could have dropped to his knees and kissed her feet.
"You can thank me later. Oh God... Vic, what the bloody hell happened to you? You were never like this back home."
"Men living by themselves.... A real man has socks sprawled and dirty dishes in the sink."
"The real man better get his ass off the couch before this girl over here knocks him out with this crap on the floor. I'm not even asking what the bloody hell this is."
Pulling up his leaves, Victor got up and started the fastest clean up of his life. For some reason, he wanted to sing Hey, Soul Sister. Kit laughed.
***
While Victor started to wash his bathroom, Lumi wandered through the corridors of the market trying to figure out something she could cook for Victor. It couldn't be anything too complicated. Okay, it had to be the simplest option since she had no abilities in the kitchen whatsoever. Oh God, why was she doing this again? Truth was, she had never cooked by herself before. She had helped, had even prepared one thing or two, but never without someone close to ask what to do next. Maybe... she should just get take out and show up at his... Why was she doing this again, she wondered half desperate looking from one can to another. Finally, she ended up buying bread, three types of cheese, tomatoes, basil and onions. There was this little toast that I prepared for her sometimes, that was simple and tasted good enough to serve as dinner. Inside the cab on the way there, beginning to feel stupid, she took three deep breaths and tried to think of what she was going to say.
***
"I guess this is as good as it gets." Kit said after sweepping the living room floor. The kitchen and the bathroom were clean and Victor was taking the trash out. She looked at her watch and froze; Lumi was due any minute. She had to run. Not knowing if Victor was ready or not, she put on her shoes, picked up her purse and left locking the door behind her. If only she could leave a hidden camera...
Lumi ran across the street holding her bags and clutching the address in her right hand, and tried to find the right building. There were three brown ones. Ugh, what good was to tell that it was the brown one if there were multiple brown buildings? She shoved the address in her other already busy hand and searched for her cellphone in her purse when it rang.
"Hello?"
"Hey! Are you there yet?" Kit asked a little out of breath looking at Lumi from behind a parked car eight feet away.
"Ah, thank God... Kit, which brown building is it?! There are three!"
"Ah, sorry. The one on the left. Are you really going to cook for him?"
"Afraid so. Okay, I'll call you later. Bye." Lumi went for the building on the left and thought she caught the perfume Kit loved so much, but dismissed the idea. She looked for the elevator, but there wasn't any. Of course the guy lived in a building with a four-floor walk up. Cursing her way up, she climbed the stairs and forgot the speach she had prepared in the cab. When she found the right door, and realized that it didn't have a bell and no hands to spare, she did the only thing she could of. She kicked. And no one answered.
"My lucky day.... maybe I should just go home and forget this ever happened..."
"No way." Victor said from behind her. "Why are you kicking Mrs. Pattinson's door?"
"Her... Damn it. I meant to kick yours."
Lumi had hair falling over her eyes, red cheeks, a mean look in the eyes and had both arms full of groceries. He supressed the need to take everything from her and just kiss her right there. She'd punch him and he would never see the end of it. So, he leaned on the door and gave a mildly interested expression to the nails he was analyzing on his right hand.
"What are you doing here?"
"I'm... can you please help me? Who lives on the fourth floor with no elevator in New York?"
"Thousands of people. Aren't you supposed to be a dancer?"
"Aren't Englishmen supposed to be gentlemen?"
"Ouch. I apologize," he added, thickening his accent, "my fair lady, I lost my sight in you utter beauty and forgot myself. Please let me assist you in your task. Which, by the way, can you tell me what you intend to do with... tomatoes, bread and cheese?"
"What does it look like?"
"Ah... vegetarian sandwich?"
"Almost." Lumi set the bags over the kitchen counter and came back to the living room. The place had been recently cleaned, she could still smell desinfentant and soap in the air. The walls were dark beige and the wooden floor seemed scarred enough to be older than her. A big soft couch shades lighter than the walls sat against the farthest one and faced a big flat screen. Books on one side and many piles of paper on the other. The windows were open and the daylight was almost gone. She turned to him, put her hands behind her back and looking down started to apologize.
"I'm... very sorry about yesterday. It was... very nice of you to cook for me and it wasn't your fault."
"How is it?" Genuinely concerned he stepped forward and stopped when Lumi retreated. Still weary, he thought. It was okay. No matter what she said, he felt responsible. He shouldn't have insisted so much. Should've given her time and waited for her to take a step. It was just that he believed she would never take one. But there she was.
"I'm... going to cook you dinner tonight to thank you for the... potto...fill."
"Pot-au-feu. Will you?"
"Yeah... it's not much. I'm not very good in the kitchen... Anne's the one that cooks, I usually help. My mother... nothing. So, can I start?"
"Of course." Victor led the way to the kitchen and started to take knives and a wooden cutboard out of drawers. "What were you going to say about your mother?"
"She's a chef back home. Her dishes are amazing. Especially desserts. But I'm better at eating." she tried for a smile. And got one back. More relaxed, she unpacked what she bought and set out to start the toasts.
"She's a chef? But then you must cook better than me..."
"Hmmm... we'll see. Or you will." Lumi said giving him a smile that hid something, but he smiled back a little puzzled.
"What can I do to help?"
"I... didn't help you last night, but I guess I'll need all help I can get. You could... chop the tomatoes and the cucumber."
"And the onions..."
"Yes, the onions too. Little cubes."
She had given him the hardest parts but he didn't need to know that. She took out the bread, sliced them and buttered them after. Grating the different types of cheese over the slices, she looked for an oven. There wasn't any.
"Uhm... where can I roast these?"
"Ah... I don't have an oven. But I have a microwave..."
"I think it will do but... microwaves are bad for health, didn't you know? And aren't you supposed to be the brilliant cook? How do you do it without an oven?"
"I make do." Victor smiled. He chopped the vegetables flawlessly, with fast and firm movements. Soon, the vinaigrette was ready and the slices had melted cheese on top of them.
"I brough the wine you left in the fridge.... and with this, it's ready."
Victor set the table and after a couple of minutes they were both seated, serving the vinaigrette over the toast and eating.
"This is really good. You're a great cook." Lumi looked at him surprised and feeling her cheeks warm up, she smiled.
***
"Hello? Victor?"
"Why are you calling me now? I have a guest..." Victor whispered the last word.
"I know. I'm sorry. Father called." They were both silent for a few seconds.
"And what does His Grace wants?"
"His Grace wants you to come home in two days because he needs to discuss some important issue of the severest importance."
"What?"
"I don't know. I'm just repeating. Why haven't you given him your phone number already?"
"Because I don't wish to speak to His Grace unless I want to."
"Hmph. Either way, he wants you to be there on time for tea on Wednesday. Enjoy your dinner! Bye!"
"Wait! Are you.... F*."
Obviously upset, he came back to the dinner table where Lumi sat eating in silence. He glanced out the window and had the most brilliant idea. Cleaning his throat, he restarted conversation.
"So, have you spoken to Anne yet?"
"Yes. She called me this morning. She was going out for shopping... But it was her e-mail that worried me... She's been having a few problems with Eli..."
"Problems? What kind of problems?"
"Love problems."
"Ah... I thought they were so happy..."
"Me too. But I felt her a little desperate. When she starts to get desperate, it's because it's something big. At least for her..."
"Hmm... I... was wondering. What are you going to do for the rest of your summer?"
"I don't know... I need to practice... and Kit was thinking about visiting Vegas."
"Would you... come with me to my... father's house?"
"Your father? Why?"
"He invited me. I would feel less of an obligation if you came along. I'm sure he'll only take one day at large. Then we can meet with Anne and Eli in London. You can check on her, you two can go shopping and when they want to be left together, I can show London to you."
"I..." her heart was racing. There seemed to be too many reasons why she should say no to this. Obvious reasons. But at the moment she couln't think of a single one. She looked to his eyes and tried to read them, but only found what looked like hope. She had admitted to herself that giving him a chance was the best option. And she really had been worried about the e-mail. Trying to fight her head over going to London that had always been a dream to her and trying to forget the image of shopping there... She... no. She wouldn't say no and she knew it. "Okay."
"Ok.. Okay?"
"Yeah. I'm coming with you. But why do I have to come to your father's house? I'm not your girlfriend."
"Do.. you want to be?" he asked so simply that she hesitated before laughing it off. And he mistook her shyness for desinterest. Cleaning his throat, he did his best not to sound dissapointed. "Ah.. I'm kidding of course. You would come as a friend. We're friends, right?"
"You could say so..." she started to say and after she saw his face she added, "of course."
"Good. You'll love it. My father still lives in the Allen Mansion in Wiltshire."
"Wiltshire... is that where you were born?"
"Yes... My father is the Baron Arthur Allen."
"B.... your father is a baron?!"
"Unfortunately."
"You're... like royalty?!
"No. My father is. I'm... a foreign musician that lives in New York. That's all."
"What is your full name?"
"My... Victor Arthur Allen.... III."
"The third?!" Victor seemed to be turning a nice shade of gray. "That makes Kit..."
"Yes... Katherine Meredith Allen is the daughter of the Baron Arthur Allen."
"But.."
"So!" Victor shouted, rising from his chair. "You'll meet a real Baron, spend a whole day in his mansion and then, travel with me to London. Let's celebrate the second part. Not the first."
"I'll celebrate it all!" Lumi shouted back lost in delight. Victor couldn't help but to smile seeing her so happy.
"Can you leave tomorrow?"
"I can leave tonight! But yes... I think.. I have to go home and pack. I'm really sorry about yesterday."
"It's okay. Let's forget what happened." Lumi smiled, picked her purse and stood in front of him. The word friends reverberated inside her head, but she didn't want to say anything to ruin the moment. She rose on her toes, gave Victor a light kiss on the cheek and went to the door.
"Call me to let me know when do I need to be ready, okay?"
"Okay..."
And she left.
