Noah opened the café door and felt the cold wash over his body. He closed his eyes for a second and then faced London’s prelude of winter.
The agony in his chest wouldn’t lessen and he didn’t know why. After leaving Artemis’s house, he had taken a taxi home. But instead of entering, he had stood in the sidewalk, looked up and watched lives happening in the other many windows of his building. One light turned on in the second floor and a woman came rushing with a toddler wailing in her arms. A living room on the fourth was only lit by the TV and the shadows on the ceiling moved. A dog had its paws on the windowsill on the third floor and it watched the street below. Music came from the apartment on the first floor and a man’s silhouette approached a woman’s in an embrace. All the lights of an apartment of the fifth got turned off. Moments later, two couples came out of the building and had walked down the street in a heated conversation.
Noah’s empty apartment on the third floor, though, had no lights on, and no movement. No life. No one was waiting for him.
He thought about how Kadri and Artemis had looked at each other over dinner. They shared secrets with their eyes. They were more than just in love, more than companions. At that moment, while they talked about their son and the girlfriend he had brought home the week before, Noah saw a complicity he had never witnessed. His parents loved each other, but they did so in their own way. His mother was a Literature teacher in the University and his father a happy carpenter. They shared meals and shared a family for over forty years.
But Noah had never seen such a meeting of minds between two people quite like this. For some reason, it had made him feel empty. From the moment he had realized how much he wanted that for himself, how much he envied them, how he had never even been close to that, he had felt terribly empty.
So, he had walked to the café a few blocks away. But after staring at the menu for five full minutes with no desire to eat or drink anything, he had just given up and left.
Later, in his apartment, he sat at the piano with a bottle of vodka. His coat lay tossed over the sofa and his shirt was unbuttoned. He stretched his long fingers, downed a shot and started playing the first song that came to mind. Chet Baker’s Blame It On My Youth sounded in his empty apartment, reverberating in the walls.
***
Anne pushed the elevator button and waited for it to arrive. Impatient, she walked to the window nearby, looked out and came back, her boot heels sounding on the granite floor. Twice. She still thought it was a bad idea to come to Eileen’s house. Every minute, she couldn’t help it, she tried to think of something to let her escape from it. Her cell started to vibrate the moment the elevator doors opened. Searching for it in her purse, she stepped in and pushed the fifth floor button for her.
The elevator bell rang and signaled third floor. Anne continued to read the text Lumi had sent her, letting her know that they’d be having pizza that night. A man was waiting for the elevator when the doors opened. He raised his head and stared at Anne in silence, without stepping in.
When he didn’t move, she looked up confused and gazed back at familiar green eyes. Startled, she blinked twice in sheer surprise.
“Noah. I don’t believe this…” she said in awe after a few seconds of silence. Her cell forgotten in her hand, she stepped back and leaned against the elevator’s wall laughing. “I really don’t believe this.”
“Now I’m convinced you’re a stalker.” Noah commented laughing too. “You live in this building?” Noah asked shoving his hands inside his coat pockets. She looked even more beautiful than he remembered. Her shiny brown hair was loose and waived down her shoulders. Her cheeks were pink from the cold but her eyes looked like those of a witch, dark and clear. The black coat was tied at her waist and the gray scarf around her neck had something glossy in it. Her hands were gloved with black leather and the boots ended just below her knees. She looked like she belonged in London.
“No. Couldn’t afford it even if I… No.” She laughed a little shaken after the gaze he had given her body. Noah, she thought. Would it sound too crazy if she said his name? Would it make her something like the crazy woman that still remembered his name, even though she didn’t really know him? Probably. She bet he had no idea what her name was anymore. So she avoided that situation. “I’m visiting a friend of a friend. Do you live here?”
“Yes. And I almost had to do what you were going to say to afford it. But I managed somehow.”
The elevator rang third floor. Anne was still laughing from his joke. Yes, he knew her name. Even f she didn’t remember his, he remembered hers. He had thought about her on his last day in New York and how he had never looked her up. About how he’d never see her again. He stepped out and on a whim put his right hand over the door to keep it open.
“Are you in a hurry?”
“A little, yes. Why?”
“Is this friend of a friend, a boyfriend? Is it the short guy?”
“No.” Anne tensed up on the mention of Eli. “It’s a female friend.”
“A girlfriend?!” Noah noticed that something was off, but kept the mood light. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for gays and lesbians love.”
“Almost.” Anne said laughing from Noah’s little joke. Again, she thought about Eli. “Actually, she’s my ex-boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend.”
“That sounds… dangerous. Why don’t you…” But the bell rang again and the doors closed before either could hold them. Anne rode the elevator to the fifth floor not knowing what to do. When the doors opened, Anne stayed inside the elevator and pushed the third floor button. Again, the doors opened on the third floor. But Noah was nowhere. Had she imagined him? Laughing at the absurdity of the situation she stepped out and, when she didn’t find him, she returned. While she thought about where should she go, the elevator was summoned to the fifth floor.
This time, when the doors opened, Noah was there.; chatting amiably, to Anne’s shock, with Dr. McCarthy.
“Hi…” Anne said in a low voice looking from one to the other.
Noticing Anne’s face, Noah realized he was talking to the ex’s ex. He watched the two women exchange looks of pure dislike and decided to retreat. He greeted Anne, stepped in the elevator and stared at the ceiling. Eileen looked to Noah and back to Anne and pursed her lips in a furious frown.
“I was wondering if you were ever going to show up.” Eileen said with a cold voice. “This way.”
Anne gave her a cold smile and turned to face Noah when Eileen walked down the hall. She could read Noah’s mouthing really dangerous.
“That’s the ex?”
“Yeah.”
“Hmm. I was going to ask you to come over for a coffee or tea. Do you have time after seeing your ex’s ex?”
“I… do. Okay.”
“My apartment’s 3B. I’ll be waiting.” Noah said.
Anne stepped out, turned to wave at Noah and caught him watching her eyes as the doors closed, locking their gazes. She was grateful to have something to look forward to. This little meeting had been a terrible idea. Anne sighed and followed the East Witch’s sweet perfume.
***
Thinking she might not take too long, he rushed to his apartment to try to tidy some of the mess. When he opened the door he remembered the reason he was going out; there was nothing to eat or drink besides water and old bread. He couldn’t leave now that Anne might arrive any minute, so he picked up the clothes that were over his bed and shoved them in the wardrobe. Since his bedroom was visible from the living room, he didn’t have any place to hide his mess. He kicked the boxes to a corner and started to wash the dishes on the sink.
Anne, he thought, they kept running into each other. Literally, he remembered with a chuckle. On the night he and Brie had broken up, he really wanted to have kept on talking to her. When the short guy came and took her away, he felt a little agony in his gut, that he remembered, had surprised him. She had appeared on the night he had freed himself from Brie, and he feared it was going to be the only and last chance he might have to see her. He had thought about her for a few days after that, but then, he let her go. And now, she was in his building. In another city, another country. He didn’t really believe in fate, but he damn right wasn’t going to let her go without knowing this time.
***
Anne closed the door behind her back and closed her eyes. She took a deep breath, then another. Why had Eli tied her to this woman that obviously hated her gut? Who tied your girlfriend to an ex-girlfriend?
Anne walked to the elevator and pushed the summoning button. The woman had had the nerve to be annoyed at Anne about Noah. You’ve gotten over Eli pretty fast, haven’t you, she had asked. Anne had been so shocked that her blood had drained from her face, leaving her with no reaction. If that hadn’t been enough, she had determined that Anne should report to her about her doctorate once a month, throughout the year. Why? Her thesis did not depend on her approval. Wasn’t it better for both of them if they never saw each other again?
Inside the elevator, Anne leaned on the wall and closed her eyes. She now felt bad for being anxious to see Noah. She almost hit the ground floor button, but stopped in midair. In one week, it’d be three months since Eli’s death. It wasn’t that she had gotten over him, it wasn’t that she had already eyes on another man. But Eli wasn’t coming back. She had foolishly lived waiting for him for endless weeks, jeopardizing her career and her life in the States. Her time here was very short and she couldn’t spend it moping around anymore. She had finally accepted and tried to move on.
It was none of Dr. McCarthy’s business whom she met and if she dated.
The moment she thought about dating, her heart ached in guilt. He had taken the measures for her to move on; she was honoring his gift by doing just that. She desperately needed to walk this misery away.
“Eli and Eileen. Sounds like a bad soap opera couple’s names.” Anne muttered. But then, if she left, she might never see Noah again. Truth was they didn’t know each other at all. They had run into each other twice over the year and had shared small conversation.
She might never see him again, she thought again.
The number three glowed on the LCD display, and the elevator’s doors closed.
***
When the knock on the door came, Noah was drying off the last of the plates. He had rolled up his sweater sleeves and now dried his hands on the way to the door. When he opened the door he noticed that her mood had changed completely; her eyes were glassy, her shoulders were tense and her arms were crossed. He wanted to ask what had happened but he knew he had no right. He stepped back to let her in and saw the refusal on her face. The fear in his gut worried him even more than anything else.
“Come in.”
“Ah, sorry. I just came to ask if we could postpone it. I’m not feeling very well.”
“I know it’s none of my business, but I must say I’m really curious about what would make you visit your ex’s ex.”
“Really long story. Anyway, this…” Anne said reaching for her pencil case in her purse; she picked the post-its she had and scribbled on one. “Is my cell number. Give me a call and we’ll get that coffee sometime.”
“Sure. Are you okay?”
“Yeah. So… I’ll see you around. Thanks again. Bye.” Anne said and turned to leave.
Noah was watching her go for the second time wishing she’d stay. He fetched his coat, wallet and keys, and after locking the door, called for Anne. The elevator doors had just closed. For the second time that day, he took the stairs and arrived on the ground floor just as she left the front entrance. He had no idea of what he was going to say to her, but he felt that if he let her leave again, he wasn’t going to get another chance. He quickened his pace and fell in step with her.
“You know…” he said as if in a middle of a conversation and startled her. “Sorry.” He said when she put her left hand over her heart.
“And you call me a stalker.”
“Sorry. You know, when I ran into you earlier I was going out to buy some groceries. I’ve nothing at home besides water and bread. Why don’t you come shopping with me?”
“You really want to go to the supermarket with me?” Anne asked genuinely surprised.
“Well, I guess that since I’ll be the one guiding the cart, there’s no problem. It’ll cheer you up a bit, and we can buy apples and tampons if you like.”
“Why? Is your period coming?”
“Funny. You know what else? I like your sense of humor.”
“Hmm. I don’t know it’s getting a little late.”
“It’s not. London’s just dark at the end of the day. It’s actually nearly 6p.m.”
“Ah.”
“Come on, you know you want to go. And grocery shopping’s kind of our thing.”
“We have a thing?”
“I’ve known you for a year now. Sure we do.”
“I guess... Where’s the store?”
“A few blocks ahead. We can take a bus if you like? Those heels don’t look too comfortable to walk on…” Noah commented checking her boots.
“Very nice of you, but I’d like to walk.”
“Great, me too.”
They walked in silence for a while; her heels sounding on the concrete, Anne glanced at the stores they walked by, as Noah watched her. She seemed fascinated at them. It amused him. She wasn’t looking only at whatever they were selling; she looked like she was enjoying their being there.
“So, what brings you to London? Besides me, that is.” Noah asked with a little smile. Anne looked up at him and smiled back.
“It has to do with that long story I mentioned before.” Anne answered lightly.
Noah suddenly realized she’d never said if the ex’s ex she visited today was the latest ex. He’d be really annoyed if the short guy appeared around the corner and took her away again.
“To summarize,” Anne continued undisturbed by Noah’s thoughts, “I’m here to finish my Masters in Legal Philosophy.”
“Legal Philosophy? You’re a Law graduate?”
“Yep. Why? I don’t look like one?”
“You don’t look like a lawyer.”
“That’s because I’m not one. I’m one of those… sad people that studied something and after graduating, had no perspective.” Anne answered with a chuckle. “I don’t hate or regret it. Just… never found my place.”
“And you decided to study Legal Philosophy? That sounds…”
“Boring. I know. It’s really not. I mean, Legal Philosophy is more than reading classics and discussing them. It’s about understanding the development of Legal Institutions, of society in general. People think that Law is all about fighting in court and reading gigantic books, but Law is everything. Everything you buy, everything you do. I don’t know what you do, but I’m certain that you’ve had to use Law in order to do it.”
“No one’s ever put quite like that before. I’m an architect by the way.” Noah said as matter of factly. Anne stopped dead on her tracks and looked at him surprised just as she had earlier.
“You’re an architect?” She asked as he walked back a few steps.
“Yeah, why?”
“I’d never have guessed. Nothing. It was… my dream to study architecture.”
“Really? Then you’re a little sadder than you think.”
“Gee, thanks.” Anne gave him a cold stare and kept walking. Noah laughed and caught up to her again.
“No, I didn’t mean it like that, sorry.” Noah took her arm to guide her around the corner instead of letting her cross another street and continued. “It’s just that Law has absolutely nothing in common with Architecture.”
“Don’t I know it. I studied International Relations and Anthropology before Law. But then, it’s also a long story. What have you worked on?”
“I’m getting really curious about all your long stories. Back in the US, I’d already gotten pretty far on the office I worked. In the beginning you do a lot of interior renovations, interior designs. I love ancient buildings… and New York has a lot of them needing restorations. I had just worked on a building in SoHo before quitting.”
“Why did you quit?”
“Long story.” Noah answered and smiled at Anne’s chuckle. “But, long story short, I needed a change. I didn’t like where my life was going. The office was too demanding, ex-girlfriend coming over every night to try to argue every little thing that went wrong to the skeleton of it. I needed a new life.”
Anne slowed down her pace and looked up at him. He hadn’t shaved in a while. His stubble was grown enough to make a shadow on his face. His high cheekbones, long nose and square chin, made him look very male. He had changed since the supermarket day, the year before. Okay, Anne thought, he looked the sexiest she had ever seen him. The gray sweater accented the green of his eyes, and the black leather coat made him look like a badass. She had a thing for badasses, Anne continued lost in thoughts.
“What?” Noah asked noticing her watching him.
“I… just really understand what you mean. All of it. Kind of shortens my long story too.”
They entered the market and Noah deliberately picked a cart and passed in front of her with it. She rolled her eyes at him and picked a basket, thinking that she should take some groceries home as well.
Not to her surprise, Noah went straight to the fruits section and stopped in front of the apples.
“Apples.” Anne said.
“Yeah, I…”
“Have a thing for them." Anne finished. "I know.”
“It’s funny, isn’t it?”
“What?”
“That we know each other, but we really don’t?”
“Yeah. But you know what else?”
“What?”
“I have a thing for them too. But I don’t like those.”
“Fuji apples? Why?”
“Besides having my last name, I don’t think they’re juicy enough. I like the Gala and in USA I found this one called Ambrosia. It’s one of the best.”
“I like Ambrosia. But my favorites of all time are the Akane and the Golden. Your last name’s Fuji?”
“Yeah.”
“Cool. You have the name of an apple.”
Anne looked at him and laughed. People usually asked if it derived from Mt. Fuji. But this was the first time someone related her to the Fuji apple.
“I have a book about apples at home. I’ll show you when you come over, sometime.”
“You have a book on apples?”
“Sure, why not?”
“Yeah…” Anne replies genuinely amused. “Why not?”
When Anne’s three apples were on her basket and Noah’s three different types of apples were in his cart, they walked to the dairy and then to pasta.
By the time they had walked the entire market, Noah’s cart was full and Anne’s basket was pretty heavy. She thought about getting a cart a few times, but he’d just make fun of her. Carrying her basket with both hands, they went to stand on the line.
“Nothing?”
“Nothing what?”
“You didn’t forget anything this time?”
“You talk as if we went shopping every week.”
“No, you’re just that scatterbrained. It’s okay, I won’t mock you. I’ll even hold your basket for you.”
“No, I… damn it.” Anne turned and remembered she had no shampoo at home and her hair needed washing ASAP. She turned back to him and holding her basket with one hand, she pointed her finger at him. “You said no mocking. Here” She handed him the basket and ran toward the right aisle.
Noah hadn’t realized her basket had gotten this heavy. He had enjoyed shopping with her so much that he had just kept on walking around. She must have been dreading every second of it, carrying the basket on those heels. All of that just not to take a cart. When she came back running with shampoo bottles he scowled at her.
“You needn’t have carried all this weight by yourself. I was joking about the cart.”
“I don’t mind. Here.” She reached out her hand to take the basket back but he ignored her.
“I’ll carry it for you. You push the cart. But please, please, don’t kill me.”
“Ha-ha.” Anne answered and pushed the cart close to hitting his foot. Noah turned annoyed and she gave him a sweet smile.
In the end, Noah had three big bags to carry and Anne had one big and one small. The apartment was a few blocks away but he could see that the heels were finally getting to her. He took her big bag and carried two in each hand, leaving her with the small one.
“It’s okay, I can carry it. You have too much to carry already.”
“Stop being such a feminist.”
“Do you enjoy tormenting me?”
“Immensely.” Noah answered with a smile.
***
When they reached his building entrance, Anne tried to take her bag from him, but he didn’t let her. He just went inside and left her with no choice but to follow. On the ride up, she remained in silence, trying to think of an easy way out. She’d just accompany him to the door, get her bag and leave. When the doors opened, she followed him through the hall and held two bags while he unlocked the door. But instead of facing her, he entered without looking back.
Trapped, Anne entered and deliberately left the door open behind her. But as soon as she looked around, she forgot everything else. She had no words. It was a beautiful apartment. The space was perfect. The big windows to the right… she couldn’t think of anything else but perfect to say. There was a grand black piano close to them to her utter surprise. To the left, Noah had left the bags over the kitchen table and was taking off his coat. She walked slowly to the kitchen, trying to absorb the ambient, but still couldn’t find words to describe it. Noah stood by the fireplace he was lighting up and observed her. He could see her love for architecture right there and then.
She didn’t only look at the furniture; she looked to one side to the other as if trying to absorb it all. She left the bags next to the ones he had carried in and walked around the reception room, examining paintings and books.
He leaned against the table and just watched her. She opened her coat and slid them off her shoulders and arms. Amused at the woman that had just been trying to leave as fast as she could, and now was getting comfortable, Noah unpacked the wine he had just picked at the market. She wore a white long sleeved cotton blouse with a black tweed skirt and black wool stockings. The colorful scarf around her neck broke the monochromatic in a way he thought was all her.
Anne touched the piano keys with a reverence that enchanted him. No sound came from it. Changing her focus of attention, she turned to the painting close to the piano and studied it. He paused to see her reaction and saw that she didn’t think much of it. Amused, he left the wine breathing and went to stand by her side while she checked his book shelf.
“Feel free to pick any.”
“Ah, sorry.” Anne said as if coming out of a trance. Her cheeks blushed at the realization that she had just been pouring over his things on her own. “Your home’s really… I can’t think of anything else but perfect. I didn’t really like the furniture in the beginning but it all goes together. It’s perfect.”
“Really appreciate it. Why didn’t you like the painting?”
“Ah…” Anne glanced at him surprised and blushed a little more. Noah felt the urge to kiss her that moment, but held on. She didn’t look like she was ready for it. And he didn’t know if he was either. “From all of what you used, it’s the one thing I’d really change. And the couch. I don’t know… the rest of room makes me think of great classic, romantic taste. It’s neither American nor English. It’s… European with no doubt, but I can see you in it. And then, there’s this.” Anne said turning to the big square painting of a man, she thought, holding some instrument of planting, staring at the onlooker. It was just… wrong. “I don’t know, but I sort of… would have put something else here.”
“Like what?”
“A black and white for sure. A photograph. I don’t know, a street I liked, maybe an artistic photograph of the couple of the house. I don’t know.”
Noah looked up at the gift Seth had given him. He hadn’t liked it much either, but hadn’t hated it. In fact, he hadn’t found anything that really went there and had decided to hang his brother’s gift and take pictures to send him. It amused him a lot that she hadn’t liked it there.
“What about the couch?”
“The ancient wood made one. It’s beautiful but… it doesn’t look comfortable at all. In a living room like this… you’d stretch on a rainy afternoon and watch an old movie, or listen to some jazz or blues… but that couch doesn’t invite you to stretch. It’s more like… sit neatly while I go get some earl grey tea.”
“You don’t like earl grey tea?”
“Nope. Hate it, actually.” Anne chuckled. “That no English people hears me saying that.”
“True.”
“Actually, I’m curious about the lilies. It’s not really common for men to have fresh flowers at home.” Anne wandered to the dinner table that had a glass vase with long stemmed pink lilies inside.
“It’s not for common for me either. My parents and my sister sent them this morning.” Noah commented. “It’s an inside joke… My mother and sister love lilies. I don’t. When I was fifteen, I broke my leg and had to stay home for two weeks. For some reason, everybody thought that Satyana, my sister, had been the one that had broken her leg. Flowers were delivered with get well cards. The house smelled like lilies for weeks. And of course, my brothers mocked me endlessly for receiving flowers.”
“Of course.” Anne replied with a smile.
“So, whenever something happens, they send me lilies. I don’t really mind so much anymore. Makes me think of home, and that’s always comforting.”
“That’s really sweet. I like lilies. But I prefer the red ones. Any red flower for that matter. Doesn’t really matter which, red flowers are beautiful.”
“I like your ideas, thanks.” Noah said after a while experimenting the couch Anne had talked about.
“It’s nothing, I… should get going.” Anne said after glancing at her watch. She walked back to the kitchen to get her bags and spotted the red wine bottle open.
“Have a glass of wine with me. You can tell me what else you like and dislike in my interior design.”
“You’re the expert here. Thanks, but I really should get going. I’m a little far from home and someone’s waiting for me.”
At that, Noah got annoyed again. So she was having dinner with the short guy. If she had moved to London with him, things were probably very serious. Archer, he thought, maybe it’s time to retreat.
“Just one glass.” He said walking to the cupboard and getting a wineglass. He served two fingers and passed it to her.
She accepted it with a little reluctance but sipped it anyway. The taste was better than she had expected. She didn’t really care for dry wine, but this one had the right accent. Sipping again, she watched him over the rim. He poured a glass to himself and sipped as well. He stood next to her and let his eyes drift over her face. Her Asian eyes were different from other Japanese he knew. Considering the waves of her hair and the tan of her skin, she was probably half-blood. It only made her more exotic to him.
“It’s really good…”
“Anne.”
“Hmm?”
“Are you here in London with the short guy?”
Anne’s face drained and she choked on the wine she had been swallowing. She coughed a little and avoided his gaze. She rested the wineglass over the kitchen table and turned to get her coat.
“You don’t have to be annoyed at me. It’s a simple question.”
“I really should go. I had fun today, thank you.”
“Anne. Just answer.” Noah asked holding her arm. Anne froze and stayed silent. “Anne?”
“I don’t want to.”
“Why not?”
“Because…”
“Fine, don’t answer. Just tell me... Are you currently involved with anyone?”
“No. And I don’t want to be. Sorry. I really have to go.”
“Is my neighbor, the short guy’s ex?”
“Yes.” Anne answered without looking up while she picked her bags. She walked to the door and waited for him to unlock the door for her.
“I can take you home, you don’t have to carry all this…”
“No. Really. It’s okay. I’m getting a cab. My sister’s waiting for me for dinner.”
“Ah... Anne?” Noah stepped closer to her and carefully lifted her chin with his right hand. She had a sad expression and he didn’t know why. Maybe she was still hung up on the ex and didn’t want to talk about it. Fine. He was a patient man. She had tickled his curiosity and now he wanted to see what was what. She looked back at him with those sad brown eyes and after a while, he couldn’t resist anymore. He slowly closed the distance and touched his lips to hers.
Her lashes fluttered down at the same time as the guilt washed over her. His lips were soft, warm and had taste of the wine they had just shared. Part of her wanted him to never stop, but it was far more complicated than that and it was getting more and more by the second. She raised her right arm that was carrying the smallest bag, and pushed him away slowly.
Noah sighed and unlocked the door. Anne glanced at him one more time and left the apartment, almost rushing to the elevator.
Noah closed the door after the elevator bell rang signaling it was going down. He filled his wineglass and went to sit at the piano. He drank half of his cup and resting it at the table behind him, he stared at the painting. This time, Bach’s Prelude in C soared as he thought about her leaving one more time because of another man.
*
