The weirdest thing happened to me today. I had a craving for cupcakes so I went to the best place I knew do far, so I could have one. Ha, I always tell myself this. You know, that I can only have one. But I don't listen.
Anyway, there are two places so far that have these really amazing cupcakes. Back home cupcakes became novelty so fast so suddenly, that people didn't even try to be skillful about it. The icings were all made of pure sweetened fat. Terrible. But here... cupcakes were art. There's this place that I love to go and spend some time picking one called Magnolia on West Village. Amazing. Though, I'll have to admit, my favorite and Lumi's as well, still is Crumbs. We were at the Upper west and this wonderful smell stopped us in our tracks. It was love at first bite. She had the Irish cream, which is the only one she ever orders. It has vanilla, coffee, espresso, cream cheese and chocolat. Now me? Each time I go there, I pick a different one. My favorites so far are Caramel apple and Raspberry swirl. They need no introduction. Just go there and do yourself a favor, taste one.
Anyway, there are two places so far that have these really amazing cupcakes. Back home cupcakes became novelty so fast so suddenly, that people didn't even try to be skillful about it. The icings were all made of pure sweetened fat. Terrible. But here... cupcakes were art. There's this place that I love to go and spend some time picking one called Magnolia on West Village. Amazing. Though, I'll have to admit, my favorite and Lumi's as well, still is Crumbs. We were at the Upper west and this wonderful smell stopped us in our tracks. It was love at first bite. She had the Irish cream, which is the only one she ever orders. It has vanilla, coffee, espresso, cream cheese and chocolat. Now me? Each time I go there, I pick a different one. My favorites so far are Caramel apple and Raspberry swirl. They need no introduction. Just go there and do yourself a favor, taste one.
But as I was saying, I met the weirdest cupcake of my life. Bacon ones. And people actually like it. Actually ate it. You crazy bacon-lovers have gone too far, let me tell you.
My mother had this love for bacon, that I never really got. They're pure fat, what is there to love? The ammount of meat is so much smaller than the fat ammount that I can't really believe anyone eats it for the taste. Has to be for the smell. My house smelled like bacon every weekend. Americans would have been proud.
I'm starting to miss home. Lumi's mother bakes wonderful cupcakes. But no Brazilian cupcake can match the American one. Just as although I miss home, I wouldn't wish to be home for nothing in the world right now.
It didn't take me long to decide when I'd be ready to leave my parent's house. I was ten. Back then, I'd dream about running away with a backpack filled with my most precious possessions and with the money I'd gotten for my birthday, and find a way to end up at sea. Eventually, I figured, I'd manage to get my on boat and I'd live travelling around the world... selling things, researching the sea, meeting new people at every shore I'd dock. It was such a dream. I had it all figured out. I'd work and put money away. One day, I'd meet this guy and get pregnant. I'd have a girl. He'd eventually leave and I'd raise her on my own. I even had this idea about giving birth to her at sea.
The craziest thing about that dream, and I find one crazy thing that I consider that tops all of the others at each time in my life, is that even at that age I didn't believe that a man stays with you for good. It has been a dream of mine since I was a little girl to have a daughter. Nothing agaisnt sons. If I get to have a baby one day, and I hope I do, it won't matter. But even at ten, I'd dream about being independent and having no one to account for. That is so troublesome in so many ways. Don't worry, I don't intend to analyze it.
I've passed my middle twenties and still am searching for my purpose in life. Maybe I should've left my parents house earlier and found an adventure. Not the whole boat, baby at sea thing. But an adventure. It took me so long to actually believe in myself, believe I could depend on me, and me alone, to live. I hadn't had much of that while growing up. I wish I'd had. I've always wanted to be one of those strong, steel-spined, I'll take the world and I'll do it on my heels kind of woman. A woman that lives by her own rules in her own ways. You can't accept me for who I am? Fine. The door is right over there, feel free to go. Maybe I was more like that at ten and my baby at sea thing than at 23 with my existence crisis at peak. I miss being ten.
No, not ten. I couldn't drink or drive or have sex at ten. Truth is, being ten sucked. I miss being twenty. I had all of my twenties ahead of me. I had so many choices to make. And I made some pretty lousy ones. But that's a complain for another time.
