I've heard people say that everytime someone gets frustrated about finding Mr. (Mrs.) Right. And I know this because I've heard it many times. Or a better one, people who love themselves attract love.
After years of careful empirical observation, I've come to believe that love does not exist.
Okay, sorry. Couldn't resist it. Fortunately, I have't gone that way. Yet. I've come to believe that love is not something that happens. Is not something that shows up or that you can attract. Love is something you find in a person you like, it is not random or simple. I've theorized a way to explain it. I plan to use this theory to explain it to my children one day. Ready? Love is like a tree. It can be as big and strong as oak or sycamores ou as small as ficus, can be as plum and gorgeous as a cherry tree in full bloom, or as thin and sleek as a pine tree. It depends on character, dreams and stuff like that. But most important, love is like a tree because at first, it is only a seed. You find this person and if you're lucky, there will be a seed. If you1re not scared of commitment and intimacy, soon you'll wonder how a future might be like and plant that seed. After a while, it may sprout and leaves will start to grow. This is when you have to take care of it the most, because whatever it'll turn into later, this base will be the foundation for that tree. There will be winter and fall, things won't always be spring. The sun won't always shine like on summer. But the tree won't die because of them. If the base's strong and it's healthy and cared for, it'll sustain the harsher of storms and the coldest of winters. There will come times when you'll need to tend to it more carefully, but most times, even in the dead of winter, it'll stand strong even if let alone. You have to be careful of people that will try to destroy it, and for spots that may appear. It's a living thing, and any like living thing it can get sick. But if you care for it, lots of liquids and rest will do the job.
I know it seems childish, but if you think about it, it pretty much covers it all. Love, my friends, is a tree. And trees don't grow in the middle of the night nor do they bloom before time. It may die, it may drown, but if cared for, it can also last for many years after we're gone. Real love, just like healthy strong trees don't need attention and care every hour of every day. But periodically, remember to water and watch for bugs. Check on the leaves and be ready for winters.
Inspiring, isn't it? What if I told you that I came up with this once driving home from a fight with my first boyfriend? I have no idea why we were fighting, but my heart was broken and all I could do was try to picture some images of happy, bright possibilities worth fighting for. I saw myself with my children at night and one of them asking what was love. Love is like a tree, I told them, it comes from a tiny seed and if you care for it, it'll grow and bloom into the most beautiful of trees.
***
I've been thinking about love a lot lately. Can you tell? I know. A couple of friends of mine broke up two days ago. Brad told Ella he wasn't really interested in a serious relationship now. What kind of excuse is that? I mean, a reason would be if he realized it wasn't working out anymore or that he started seeing her as a friend, but that, suddenly, after 6 months, he's not interested in a serious relationship is not a reason. It's an excuse, and a terrible one at that. And between you and me, I've had the impression that Brad is, well, gay. And that he is currently living in a crystal closet. Everybody can see it, he carries it around, but believes no one knows he's there.
There was this guy from the University that I met a while ago. His name's Eli Walker. We've known each other for a long time but never really talked about anything other than our class subjects. The interesting thing is that whenever we talked, he'd look at me so intensely, with such heat, I'd stutter and forget what I was arguing. The next semester we weren't on the same class anymore so we only met by chance in the corridors. Until I had to start making appointments about a important paper that required me to deliver reports twice a week in his department. Oh yes, I forgot to mention one small detail. He had been my professor.
Pause for look of shock, disbelief or any other that might sprout.
I know it's a bad idea. Or I did until he started to smile at me everytime I came by the department. A couple of weeks ago, I was in the waiting room and he came out of his office looking livid, and then, he spotted me and gave me a smile.
"Hi, how are you?"
"Hi, how are you?"
"Going crazy with the ammount of stuff to do in three weeks. You?"
"Great, thank you. How's your graduation paper going?"
"It's coming along."
"Don't give up on it. It was pretty good. If you need any help, I'm here every afternoon."
"Okay, thank you, Professor Walker."
"Hey," a girl that was sitting two chairs way said "is he your supervisor?" she had brown hair, brown eyes, and was dressed from head to toe in very expensive clothes. Her shoes were amazing.
"Uh, no. I took Scientifical Method with him last semester."
"Oh. And he offered you help? Just like that?"
"I guess... yeah. Why?"
"My supervisor doesn't remember my name and I've known her for three years."
"Oh, I don't know, maybe he just has an icredible memory."
"What about that smile? It warmed my heart. If I didn't know better, I'd ask if there was something going on between you two."
"What?" I was truly shocked. I had a little crush on him the year before, but it had never been anything more than that. But now that she had mentioned it, my head started to work in that direction. "Of course not."
"I know, but between you and me, he's very cute isn't he? And pretty young to be a doctor too."
"A doctor?"
"Look at his door. He had two doctorates." I looked over and not only saw the two doctorates, but all his accomplishments, and his birth date. "All that, and he's only 36."
"Suddenly, I feel very stupid."
"I know, right?"
I came out of there with ideas rushing in my head. They were rushing so fast, that when they bumped in each other, they hadn't time to stand up and apologize, just keep running.
For a week I entertained the idea of an affair. I called my closest friends and shed my thoughts. Lumi was against in the beginning but then she changed her mind. Edna was against it all around. Edna was the high moral one. She had the right and wrong clearly outlined in her mind and had a head as hard as concrete. Sofia, in turn, was completely in favor. Sofia was one of my favorite people in the world. She was 5 feet tall and had the whit to compensate for it. I always teased her about her Napoleon complex. She'd hit me everytime. For such a small girl, she had the strength of a bull. But still, we'd become very close friends in a very short time. We'd met on my first job here in NY. She and her husband ran a design agency. It was great to work with her.
Okay, I'm lying. It was very hard, she came out of nowhere and talked my ears off. I couldn't manage to work and listen at the same time, so my work was always behind. I kind of disliked her intesely in the beginning. But a few months later, we discovered we had so many things in common, so, so many things, that it was impossible not to become friends. She became one of my favorite people. Mel was neither pro or con. She simply told me to be careful. You see, Mel was the second oldest of my friends. She and her husband had moved to Washington 3 years ago and were one of the happiest couple I'd ever seen. Despite her opinion, she was my free spirit friend. She could live life on heels, work ten hours straight on and manage to look perfect at the end of the day, with enough energy to hit a pub and drive an hour home later. Mel was one of my models. She was only eight years older than me, but after a terrible divorce, she had found her true love and had married him without being afraid of being happy. For only that, she had my eternal awe.
Which left Delilah and Evelyn. If you haven't noticed, I'm also using this moment to introduce my friends. And before you misunderstand me, I've been here a full year now. Somehow, I was lucky enough to make many good friends. Well, Delilah was the religious, right and wrong perfectly outlined, girl. She was three years younger but somehow, we got along really well. Unless we were to talk about gay rights or a teacher-student relationship. She gave me her disapproving stare and said nothing. That was Delilah for you. Evelyn was always complaining how older she was and stupid it might look being my friend, but she was one of the youngest at mind for me. Not in a bad way. But she was really insecure about a lot of things, and was bravely facing being nearly forty and an undergraduate at the same time. She had a 6 year-old son and a husband of nearly 15 years. When I told her about my affair idea, she laughed and said how nice it was to be young and stupid. Eve was the best. But I never knew if she was serious or just laughing at me. We took one class together, and have been friends since then.
Love will come when you stop looking for it. Had love just given me a bright smile after leaving its office? I wanted to believe it had. At least for a week. And then, I came back. Stupidly enough, though, before that, I sent an e-mail to him, accepting his offer and offering, in return, a cup of hot cocoa for some wisdom.
You have to admit it was pretty good. Why couldn't it have been for another student? Crap. He took his sweet time considering it and after 3 days, he sent a reply saying he'd love to help with anything I needed, asking, if it'd be okay if we met the next week. After two days, I replied an okay and that all he had to do was set it up. It was Lumi's idea. It was a great idea. That way, I wouldn't need to compromise anything, nor risk his misinterpretation before I could check for his real intentions. It was brilliant
